i need an iv and a liver transplant
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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