Who did Billy Mays play for?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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