I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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