My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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