I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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