You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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