sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
