worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
