tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
