if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I touched a dick in church today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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