Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize