Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
