I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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