I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
