i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
