In the future we'll all be gay
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I cut my penus on the lid.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
