This is not my ceiling
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
