R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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