So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So vagazzling was a success
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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