Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
