I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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