Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
