Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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