Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
