I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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