I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
