Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
