its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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