Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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