I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
