she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
