see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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