a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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