Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
