loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
