If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
