Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
