That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
