I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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