Yo dont text me then not text me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
