We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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