If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
