shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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