whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Terrible idea I love it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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