I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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