I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
