can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So. Much. Porn.
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