what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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