I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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