We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
