you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's get the cat blown out
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
