I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
