Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
