What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
