I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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