I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
