Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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