I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
