I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
