yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
