What did we do last night that was yellow?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
