So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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