problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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