we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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