fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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