I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize