She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
