Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
