did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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