JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
