the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
