why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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