I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Mom said you looked used
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
