I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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