I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
