i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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