dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
