Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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